Lackluster

Lacklust - Adj.
(comparative more lackluster, superlative most lackluster)
1)Lacking brilliance or intelligence
2)Having no shine or lustre; dull
3)Not exceptional; not worthy of special merit, attention, or interest; having no vitality

*written earlier today*

It's not even 9am and I am already mentally checking out from this place. The fatigue from the lack of sleep last night and the chaotic events of the past 2 days is starting to catch up with me. As I can feel my eye lids starting to burn and my arms feeling the need to constantly stretch. I stare at my computer with an un-invested interest and think “How I am going to fill this void?”.

I break down my days according to breaks and snacks. Watching the clock takes too long. This is probably what has led to my recent weight gain and my lack of success with any diet route. However, even this type of break down is becoming lack luster, as the joy of eating is now being deprived from my day replaced with a creamy chocolate slim fast shake. Mmm…..

8am: The dreaded arrival – Shake #1

10am: Snack time – Whatever I can get my hands on that might remotely qualify as a “Diet Friendly Snack”. Typically, chips.

Somewhere between 11-2: Lunch – Shake #2. This is primarily decided upon how long I can go without feeling the need to want to slit my own wrists from boredom.

3pm: Snack #2 – This is the point of my day where nothing less than sugar will do, to both keep me awake and appearing focused.

I can usually tell when I haven’t taken my medication for the day yet by what all gets on my nerves. Co-workers repeating themselves over and over again on the phone, someone sharpening their pencil, the click/slap of flip flops down my aisle (insanely unprofessional). All are tell tell signs as I quickly find some water to help swallow a little more numbness.

I surround myself with pictures of the baby I could be with and remind myself why I spend my days this way. It use to not always be this way. It use to be fun, sexy, exciting. If anyone could fathom calling this job sexy. To an elite few with still passion in their bones, it is. However, the jadedness found me after all. It arrived one day (some time after maternity leave) in an interoffice envelope. And now the greatest challenge in my day is making sure my plants don’t die under these halogen lights.

On a good day, I GET to talk to customers. On a bad day I HAVE to talk to customers. Big difference. As sexist as it is, I hate calling male customers. I avoid it like the plague. They are the ones who always are the most “maintenance”. The ones that expect $100 worth of service for a $10 account. It’s not that I mind that kind of service. I just want it to be appreciated.

Sometimes I feel like I need to go get one of those Moca Shakes from McDonald’s, simply based on those “Me Time” commercials.


I gravely relate to that guy in the call center who says “My ‘Me time’ is when I’m apologizing for something I had nothing to do with.” Take that guy and mix him with Anne Hathoway in Devil Wears Prada, strip away the make up and fashion and you’ll have a picturesque view of my life.


Although, now that I think about it, I might be more like Scarlett Johanson in The Nanny Diaries (both excellent books by the way if you want to borrow).


I think it might now be time for a bathroom break. You think anyone would miss me if I just didn’t come back? I once cut a foot off my hair during my lunch break and no one noticed when I returned. Another time, I dyed it 2 different colors and no one said anything for a week. I knew I didn’t look THAT bad.

I feel like a rabbit in a hole today. If I stay still long enough everyone will forget I’m even here.

Life is a creative endeavor. It is active, not passive. We are the yeast that leavens our lives into rich, fully baked loaves. When we experience our lives as flat and lackluster, it is our consciousness that is at fault. We hold the inner key that turns our lives from thankless to fruitful. That key is "Blessing." 

~ Julia Cameron